How to be a Poser
A Step-by-Step Guide to Absolute Cultural Bankruptcy 1. Dress the Part, Skip the Knowledge Buy the shirt. Don’t listen to the band. If someone asks you to name three tracks, say: “Uh… the early stuff was better.” Congrats — you’ve mastered auditory illiteracy . 2. Worship Aesthetics, Fear Substance If it looks evil, it is evil. Lyrics? History? Context? Nah babe — vibes only. Preferably corpsepaint applied like a TikTok filter. Rule: If it requires reading, thinking, or listening past 30 seconds, it’s “tryhard.” 3. Gatekeep What You Barely Understand Tell everyone they’re doing it wrong. Especially the people who’ve been into it longer than you. Bonus points if you say: “That band sold out” “Real fans know” “You wouldn’t get it” (You also don’t get it. That’s the magic.) 4. Confuse Hatred with Depth If it’s angry, you’re deep. If it’s loud, it’s authentic. If it’s hateful without understanding why , it’s art. Critical thinking is for nerds. You’re here to...